Take these chances... place them in a box until a quieter time...

No need to bare the weight of your worries here...

2010-03-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

I am starting to worry because I haven't been sleeping good lately. I think I've been stressing myself out about everything. The other night, which was the night of my last post I got sick and threw up everywhere. I think it was something I ate though because I didn't have a fever or anything. It was a rough night needless to say! I am hoping I'm not that sick tonight but I have a bucket beside me just in case. My stomach does feel crampy but I think it's just nerves or stress. I don't know. I mean today was kind of a busy day. I had my internship and then went to class and took a mid-term which I was definitely stressing over a little bit. Then after that I went to my parent's house for dinner and had a St. Patrick's day dinner with the family. It's always hard to wind down after dinner with them but it usually doesn't take m this long. I've just had so much on my mind lately. It's kinda crazy. Maybe I'm just trying to adjust to the whole internship experience. It kinda sucks because I'm not getting paid and I think that makes me feel more crappy. I've been applying for every job I see but still not getting any responses. It all just sucks. But at least I have an A so far in the class I am in! Thank goodness for that! And I am still so very grateful for my family because they always know how to make me smile even if they don't realize how stressed out I am.

I applied for this one job today that requires knowledge of bookkeeping and quickbooks. I'm not familiar with quickbooks at all but I need to research it and figure out how to use it. I kinda lied to the employer and told them that I've used it before. It can't be that hard right?? Who knows! I at least have a good reference for these people so I might have a good chance at getting this job. Cross your fingers!

btw, Happy St. Patrick's day! I am a bit Irish, the red hair kinda gives it away <3

Well I don't know what else to say for now. I am getting sleepy though so maybe I'll finally get some sleep. Good night world!

Things seem brighter on the other side..

2010-03-14T13:32:00.000-07:00

Well they say bad things happen in 3's and they sure as hell do. First I lose my job, then I wreck my car, and then my laptop crashes. That is my excuse for not blogging since my last post. I had to get my laptop fixed after it got some viruses on it so now I am back in action! Oh AND I got my car back as well so life is good... now all I need is a freakin job.

The other night my mom and I rented that movie Up In The Air with George Clooney. George plays a man that travels across the country who has to fire people from their jobs. The movie is great because instead of actors they used real people who have been laid off. I wish I could have been in the movie! It was weird beceause I thought I'd cry the whole time watching the movie but I didn't. I was able to suck it up because I think I've ran out of tears. I've been applying for SO many jobs but I am not having any luck. There's a new mall in Hampton now so I've even been applying for part-time jobs but you gotta imagine how many other people are applying for those jobs. I just wish I could at least get an interview because I need more practice. I also desperately need some money. Not only for the bills and mortgage payments but for myself. I need money for gas and other things. This could seriously be the worst time of my life. I hate asking my parents for money but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and half the time they offer anyway. Oh well.

The last couple of weeks I have been doing an internship at the Center for Child and Family Services in Hampton. It's been pretty interesting so far. I work mainly on the credit counseling side so I get to see situations that are a whole lot worse than mine. At least I don't have children to worry about or a butt load of credit card debt. I am constantly trying to be optimistic. It's easier now that the weather has been warmer. I love, love, love this time of year. We set the clocks forward this weekend so that means longer days, warm weather, and summer is coming soooooon!

I don't know what else to do but continue to apply for jobs. I'm doing the best I can, that's what I keep telling myself whether I believe it or not.

And today DMB played a song called Big Eyed Fish which they haven't played in aa couple of years. It's such a beautiful song and they opened up a show in Europe with that and followed it with Bartender. Now that is a way to open a show!!! I can't wait to see them again this summer, just wish I could afford it.

Life is short but sweet for certain...

2010-02-20T18:20:00.000-08:00

Apparently I suck at blogging! It's not like anyone reads these things anyway but I really wanted to force myself to keep up with this. And it's also not like I don't have the time to do this. Last time I posted I talked about my car accident. I still get nervous on the highways now even when it's bright and sunny. I think accidents do that to you, like once you get in one you'll never want to drive in the snow again... yeah... that's me. My car still isn't fixed yet but I am hoping it will be done by the end of the month! I miss it a lot. My parent's jeep is so annoying, I am not a fan of the stick shift, whoever invented those cars must have been bored. I like to just turn a car on and go!

School has been going okay. I'm barely passing Physics. But I've been doing a lot of extra credit so I should at least get a D. That will bring my GPA down once again. I'm so over it though, Physics shouldn't be this complicated but I make it that way. Such is life. The 2010 Winter Olympics have also been going since last Friday and I've actually really been enjoying them this year. I wish I could be athletic but that may not ever happen.

I FINALLY had another job interview yesterday. It was through the temp service that I was working with so it would be a long-term-temporary position. It was in Ft. Eustis for a utility company and I'd basically be an office assistant. Sometimes in interviews I get really nervous and start talking fast and not think before I talk. I always regret something that I say by the time I'm done. This interview went by really fast and all I had to do was just talk about my work experience and I mentioned that I'm back in school. I kinda wish I had not said that I was laid off but it slipped out and maybe sounded like I didn't do much at my last job. Hopefully they didn't look at that as a bad thing. I am a hard worker and lord knows I need a job as soon as possible. Hopefully I will find out on Monday if I get this position, I hate waiting, it's stressing me out. I need a job, I need money, and I need to not be stressed anymore.

I really hope I can find a job before the weather gets warmer. I hate sitting inside all day and even if my husband and I can go out and do something for an hour that would be great. Everything these days seems to cost money, whether it's the clothes you wear, the gas in your car, or whatever you need for your home. Being a DMB fan is expensive too, and I'm very sad I haven't been able to put in ticket requests for the summer tour. Living life is nothing but a gamble.

Don't burn the day away...

2010-02-06T16:58:00.000-08:00

Well I didn't post yesterday because nothing exciting happened. Not until later on in the afternoon. It snowed AGAIN! And then late last night it felt like a Nor'Easter was blowing through... it was so windy and rainy. I am a light sleeper so I barely got any sleep last night. So this morning we wake up and it's still raining but around 11 or so it starts snowing AGAIN. This time it sticks though so we have about 2 inches of snow on the ground. It's not as bad as last weekend so hopefully it melts faster. I just can't believe it. I've lived in Virginia in this area my entire life and we've never had this much show in a week's worth of time. It's just crazy. I think I'd be more excited about it if I didn't wreck my car the either day. I'm really losing my mind being cooped up in the house. It really doesn't help my bad mood either. My husband left to go watch the UFC fight at Buffalo Wild Wings so now I'm home by myself again. There's nothing on TV and I'm not hungry because I feel like all I do is eat anymore... it's pretty sad. I'm not gaining weight but I'm scared to get fat so I'm trying to eat healthier and not take advantage of the fact that I'm home all the time now.

My parents went to Carolina yesterday to get their extra Jeep for me so now I'll have a car but I certainly don't want to drive it in this mess. I also don't have any money to spend so I don't need to go anywhere. I'd really like to land a job soon... anything would be fantastic. I really just want to cry right now or scream incredibly loud but I'm trying to keep it in. I don't want to be a miserable person. I don't want everyone to think I'm depressed. I know this will all end soon and I'll be happy but seriously what else could possibly go wrong. I need to continue to think positively and be optimistic so I'm promising myself to work on that. Maybe I just need to listen to DMB a little more! Who the heck knows.

She'll make the best of what's around...

2010-02-04T20:05:00.000-08:00

Wow it has been so long since I have updated. I was determined to make a blog everyday too. But I've had too much on my mind lately to piece it all together. Monday night, February 1, 2010 I got into my first car accident. Since we had the snow storm last weekend I didn't drive anywhere. I did have to go to class Monday night so I thought the roads would be okay by then. I went out with my mom earlier that day and we were fine but I was still nervous about the black ice that might appear later on during that day and sure enough it did. As soon as I got off the exit ramp to head home I was on the interstate gearing up to go a little faster when I hit some black ice, my car fish tailed, I lost control of it and hit a pole on the highway head on. The whole front end of my jeep liberty was the molded into the pole. Luckily I walked away without a scratch. It all happened so fast that I don't think I hit my head or anything. I mean I have felt fine the last few days so I'm sure I'll be okay. But man it was the scariest thing ever! I've had many surgeries throughout my life and I'm trying to figure out which is scarier going into surgery or getting into a car accident... either way your life flashes before your eyes and it's terrifying. Luckily no other cars were involved so it was all good. Two strangers pulled over to see if I was okay, so that was nice of them. A couple of tow companies also stopped. Then the cop came and the first thing he asks me is if I was on my cell phone! UGH! No, of course not! Then my husband showed up and then my parents. It was a long process since AAA came and towed my car for us. The cop ended up giving me a reckless driving ticket because he HAD to give me a ticket for something. Seriously!?!? I didn't injure anyone, and I wasn't under the influence of alcohol or anything it amazes me that they still have to give you a ticket for something that wasn't my fault. So now I have a court date in March which everyone thinks will work out. I should get out of the ticket and will probably be on probation for a year. But still that court date makes me nervous, so wish me luck!!! I still don't have a car but my parents are going to the beach house to get their extra jeep so I'll be able to drive that until my car is fixed... so sad :( I'm thankful for my family who has driven me around the last few days though. I can't stand being cooped up in the house all day - it's bad enough that I already don't have a job.

And to relate this post to DMB - I was thinking that since my plates weren't damaged (they say DMB on them) and I walked away without a scratch or bump that LeRoi Moore was looking over me that day. LeRoi was the original saxophonist for DMB and died in August of 2008 due to complications from an ATV accident he got into. It was VERY hard for the DMB community to deal with. I know I cried for a couple of days and it's still weird at shows that he's not standing up there on stage with the rest of the guys. I remember back in 2001 when I met the band (that's another long story!) that LeRoi was really cool and down to earth. I was really star struck when I met him. It's so sad still that he's not there. I think he was looking over me that night because I had a DMB cd in my stereo... I have all the stickers on my car and the license plates and the firedancer tattoo. I mean all the signs are there. So if he really was looking over me THANK YOU! I do have other gaurdian angels that are family members so hopefully one of them was watching me too. It's always nice to think about those things because it makes you realize that things will be okay.

Still no job yet... but I have a couple of potential opportunities. I will explain later though once I know more about those. I can't imagine what else could possibly go wrong in my life. I lose my job, can't find a job, and wreck my car... someone please pray that something good will happen soon!!! I need all the help I can get! Until then though, I'll make the best of what's around...

I love you oh so well, like a kid loves candy and fresh snow...

2010-01-31T07:48:00.000-08:00

Ok so I suck... I forgot to post here yesterday. That was because I was having too much fun playing in the SNOW!!! :) Yes, it did snow in VA all day yesterday and it's still on the ground today... the sun is out now but it was so beautiful watching it fall all day yesterday. My hubby and I went out for a little while to my parent's house and then to my sister's house to play in the snow with my nieces. We sort of built a snowman but the snow wouldn't stick together. Then last night we went to my best friend's house to celebrate her birthday! There was supposed to be a whole lot of people there but my hubby and I were the only ones that lived the closest and could handle driving in the snow. So we hung out with her and her family. It was nice though, she has a 1 year old daughter and it was fun to play with her.

Today we probably won't go out too much in the snow... I do need to make a run to Target and we will probably go watch the 2010 Grammy awards at my parent's house. DMB are nominated for Best Rock Group of the year and Album of the Year... I doubt they will win but they are performing so I am excited to see that! I will update you later on tonight with the results... cross your fingers for DMB though!!! :)

Here's the snowman we tried to make yesterday :)

Stay beautiful baby, I hope you stayyy American babyyy...

2010-01-29T20:33:00.000-08:00

Well my husband and I finally saw the move The Blindside tonight. It was such a great movie!!! It was very inspirational and really makes you remind yourself to appreciate the finer things in life. I remind myself everyday that our life could be worse. I am very thankful for my family and that my husband is here for me. We may not have a whole lot of money right now but we have each other and a lot of people around us that are here for us. It helps. Sometimes it's easy to forget about those awesome things and those times are when I get emotional. I can be pretty emotional when I think about certain things. I mean I teared up while watching that movie because it was so nice of that family to take in someone that they didn't know and someone that was a lot different from them. I hope that someday I can help others in more ways than one. I hope someday I can be successful enough to share my wealth to those in need. I suppose I am working on that goal now by going to school and getting my education so that I can at least begin by sharing my knowledge. You gotta start somewhere right?

My new career services friend lady called me today and said that she might have found a position for me! It's not all that exciting but for right now I need to make money somehow. It would be an administrative assistant position at a doctor's office. I don't know how much I would get paid but every little bit helps. I am going to apply for this position next week though just to see what happens, so wish me luck!

I am keeping it short tonight, we are supposed to get snow late tonight and tomorrow so cross your fingers! I will post pictures if it happens!

I'm only this far and only tomorrow leads my way...

2010-01-28T19:53:00.000-08:00

Today I was really lazy for half of the day. But it was SO nice outside. Nearly 60 degrees in January - typical VA weather... it will be like 30 degrees tomorrow. So today my mom and I took my dog Brutus to the beach for a short beach walk. And when I say beach it's more like the Chesapeake Bay. The closest beach is VA Beach which is "across the water" about 45 minutes away from where I live. But even our little bay beaches are great to have. They are less crowded and chaotic. My dog sure enjoyed it and got to make some new "dog friends". I kind of wish our weather would always stay cold but that never happens here. This weekend there is a threat of snow for Friday night/Saturday. In VA that means 1-2 inches and therefore everyone freaks out. We aren't used to more than even a foot of snow in my area however, in Northern Virginia they get a lot more if there's even a chance. People that aren't originally from Virginia don't understand why we get excited about snow. My husband is from Ohio and he moved here to get away from snow so he laughs at me when I get excited about 1 inch of snow. He and everyone else who was born around it always makes fun of us poor Virginians. I just wish they'd let us have fun and enjoy what little bit we get! I mean get over yourselves... if it snows it snows, if it doesn't it doesn't. Woop-t-do.

I finally met with career services at school today. The lady is a new addition to the department and I liked her. She had a lot of Human Resources experience so she helped answer a lot of my questions. She said they will help me find an internship but most importantly a potential full time job. She also reminded me that it's okay to go to businesses and introduce myself because she remembers getting thousands of resumes and not knowing who to pick for interviews. If I actually go to a business they might actually interview me on the spot. I just need to suck it up, get over my fear of looking stupid and go sell myeslf. It will also help with unemployment because I have to have contact information in order to get unemployment which is what I was supposed to do all along. Ugh... this is so stressful.

I also had Physics tongiht again... and I am not a big fan. Some people get it right away but I'm just like huh?? I am going to work with a study group on Sunday to get our done and hopefully I can get someone to explain this crap to me. I mean when am I ever going to use Physics in real life!? Seriously!

Well that is all for tonight... here's hopin' for some white flurry stuff tomorrow :)

Red is the color of the sun with my eyes closed...

2010-01-27T19:30:00.000-08:00

Well I feel tired and groggy right now. As a female, this happens certain times of the month so I won't go into too much detail about that. Sort of had a long day but it's almost over and I have a snoring doggy next to me to remind me that it's time for bed.

I'm currently watching President Obama give his State of the Union Address. I've never been a politics person and I don't know much about it but I do know that it causes a lot of controversy. I always try to avoid controversy as much as possible especially if I don't know what I'm talking about. I have a lot of friends and family that either love Obama or hate him. Some even have a strong hate for him. His speech has been pretty informative tonight. He's basically stated a lot of what we already know. He says he wants congress to establish a new jobs bill to ensure that new jobs are being created across the country. I realize that this won't happen over night but it's reassuring that maybe luck will soon come. I also realize that over the next few days I will be surrounded by people that don't like Obama but I will keep reminding myself that they don't know what it's like to be in my shoes. Some of my friends have great jobs, some not so much but either way they HAVE jobs. My husband has also been looking for a better job for the last year or so. He hasn't had much luck. Our friends constantly ask us how the job hunt is going and I know it's because they care but honestly, it seems like most of them have gotten lucky and we keep struggling and I'm sick of it. It's almost as if I don't want to be around some of them anymore but I still plant a smile on my face around them because I'd be lost without some of our friends. This is just a phase. Soon we'll be back to normal and happy again... stress free... someday we won't have to worry about money and I can't wait for that day to come.

I still didn't meet with career services at school but that is supposed to happen tomorrow. Hopefully I can get some advice and direction because I need it!!!

Well I am tired and my head hurts from wrapping it around the State of the Union address and wondering what everyone else is thinking. I think it's time for bed, good night world!

9 planets surround the sun, only one does the sun embrace...

2010-01-26T20:14:00.000-08:00

Well today was an interesting day! As I mentioned before I am a HUGE DMB fan. They released their tour dates for summer of 2010 today and I have decided that I have to at least go to 2 of them and that will be VA Beach 7/20 (since I go there every year) and the Washington D.C. 7/23 show. I would also really like to go to either the Deer Creek shows or the West Palm Beach shows but that all depends on how much money I can make before then. IDEALLY I'd LOVE to go to the Gorge shows because Ben Harper is opening those 3 nights but unfortunately that's all the way across the country and I'd have a long way to catch up on my finances for that. It always amazes me how some fans can travel all over the place each summer for multiple shows. I mean I struggle with just the handful of shows I see each year. It was a lot last year because I was making good money at my last job. I felt comfortable spending 500 some dollars on tickets and such. It's quite an expensive passion to have and the tickets only get more expensive... but that won't stop me or others. That's why DMB keeps doing this - for us so we have to support them as well right? I'm hoping I can make lots of new friends at the shows this summer - the folks on Antsmarching.org are pretty cool. You wouldn't believe how many hits that site gets a day and how many threads and posts there are regarding DMB or other topics. It's truly a great interaction among fans.... some people take things a little too seriously and complain about everything (ahem, DMBc) but there's some of us that are just there to have a little fun. I realize I could be a dork for posting to a message board each day but it's a great way to vent or just talk about what's on your mind, a lot like a blog!

Aside from DMB releasing their tour dates I also had Physics in school tonight. I go to class four nights a week for five weeks. This term I have Physics and a Physics lab. Monday and Wednesdays I am there for a small amount of time for the "lab" and Tuesdays and Thursdays we have a long lecture. I felt so dumb tonight because I couldn't follow anything the teacher was saying. I mean people take this subject in High School so I should be able to understand this right? Not so much. Luckily there are some cool people in my class so we are working together. I really need an A so I can bring my GPA up. I have been struggling the last few terms due to all of these math classes. I am glad I am working for this degree though I mean it keeps me focused and helps me not to go crazy when I have nothing to do during the day. The only thing that sucks is being gone all night but I'm afraid to switch to day classes because I am hoping to find that job soon...

Tomorrow I am meeting with career services at my school so that they can talk to me about my resume and possible job opportunities. I really need all the help I can get. There's hardly anything to apply for these days and I've learned that it's not about what you know anymore - it's about WHO you know. So if you're struggling with unemployment like me and haven't realized that then think about that for a while. Maybe that can help!

Hello, how are you doing today? I hope I find you feeling healthy. ~DMB~

2010-01-25T17:56:00.000-08:00

I finally watched the movie Julie&Julia this weekend and was inspired to start blogging. Throughout the movie, "Julie" writes in a blog for a year describing how she cooks Julia Child's food each day. She uses her blog to really express how she feels about Julia Child, about cooking, and about her everyday adventures. She says that once she starts something she never finishes it so she wanted to make sure that she finishes the blog. Her mother and husband didn't support the idea at first but eventually they understood why she was doing the blog and became successful at it.

I am not writing this blog to become famous like Julie did (although I won't mind if it happens!) but I am writing this blog because I love to write and I haven't been able to finish a story in a very long time. Partly it's because I haven't had the time or I've had writer's block. In High School I kept a diary for a couple of years and I read it a few months ago and it was actually quite amusing. I mean it's amazing how much I have changed since then. In High School I was very quiet and self centered. I was voted the "Shyest" girl in my senior year and I was never really proud of it but happy to be at least remembered for something. To this day I regret not trying hard enough in High School to make tons of friends, and not excelling in my classes enough to attend a far away college. Instead, I still have one best friend from High School and I lived at home until I was 22 and met my now husband. I went through a period of feeling lost and depressed in High School and even after I graduated. I never really knew what I wanted out of life or who I want to be "when I grow up". "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" is a question I always struggle to answer. Right now all I can say is that I'm happily married and currently pursuing my bachelor's degree in Business Management. At 25 I'm not as happy as I can possibly be but I'm slowly getting there.

Music is one thing that is constant in my life. At the age of 15 I realized that I will always be a Dave Matthews Band fan. I saw my first DMB show on 7/22/98 at the VA Beach amphitheater and I haven't been the same since. Every summer since then I have seen them in VA and/or somewhere else. I've travelled to D.C.; Rochester, NY; Houston, TX; New York City; Tulsa, Oklahoma; Ohio; and Hershey, PA to see them. In total that's about 24 shows and counting. I've subscribed to their fan sites and made friends along the way. People think I'm crazy because I even have the "firedancer" tattoo to prove my fandom. Without DMB I'd be a lost soul and each subject of my blog will have a DMB quote in it. So I hope you enjoy it!

Lastly, I can't close my first blog without bragging about my family. I have the most amazing parents a girl could ask for. For the first 22 years of my life I got to travel a lot with them and experience a lot of neat things. They took me to the Outer Banks of North Carolina a lot and that has become my second home. They finally bought a beach house there a couple of years ago and since it's only about 2 hours away we go there quite often! My parents are always there for me and support me know matter what and for that I am most grateful. My sisters are Amanda and Staci. Staci is 11 years older than me and Amanda is 4 years older. Staci has 3 kids - Chase who is 13, Caroline Elise who is 2, and Scarlett who is 9 months. I am a VERY proud auntie and will probably brag about them a lot. Staci is currently married to her second husband Corey and they are pretty awesome and fun to be around. Amanda has been married once and is currently dating Joe, who is about 20 years older then her. It's a little awkward but he treats her right and she's happy and that's all that matters. Amanda and I are pretty close so she's really easy to talk to. There's a lot of family drama sometimes but other times we are a lot of fun to be around. I suppose it would be boring if there wasn't a little drama sometimes!

I suppose I have rambled on enough but at least now you know who I am in a nutshell. I am not depressed at all but I have been emotional lately. I've been unemployed for 2 months and it's been the most stressful 2 months of my life. I am frustrated and stressed out about money. Unemployment really really sucks. I am hoping I can find something soon, so here's the journey... I will share it with you!